Letters from readers: why is it so sad to live without sex
The story of the man who said that he 37 years old never had sex, caused a lot of responses. Bi-bi-si has received many letters from readers who were close to this problem. We publish some of the letters.
Last week we published the story of 60-year-old man, who told bi-Bi-si that it felt staying a virgin until 37, as a life without sex caused his depression, and how the man managed to cope with it and meet his wife.
Candid story of Joseph (name changed) has caused the big resonance. Bi-bi-si has received many letters from readers who were close to this problem.
Many people say that, like Joseph, they feel that society unfairly believes single people strange or even inadequate. We publish some of these letters.
Robert: I am 61, and I’m still waiting. And it’s probably too late. I was always too worried that they’ll laugh at me. The last straw was that I was refused a prostitute when I was about 30.
Especially hate comments like: “You’re exaggerating, there’s not much you lost”, “it is Impossible to feel the lack of what you never had”, “never been with a woman! As it is, are you gay?”.
If I admitted that it’s still possible, I wouldn’t know how to find a woman or how to approach her. I still want to lose their virginity, but most of all I miss physical love.
Joy: This story has caused me a lot of emotions. I found out myself, because in many ways it’s the story of my life.
The only difference is that I am a woman and I’m 35. I’ve never kissed a guy, never been on a date.
I want to say that I like — not such a rarity. Popular culture says that everyone has love, but it’s not true. Besides, nobody is going to tell you right and left, “Hey, I’m 30, and I don’t know what it’s like to kiss”. On the other hand, those who have a girl or a guy or have rough sex life, usually not averse to talk about it. This creates the impression that all Dating someone.
Particularly close to me in this story, a sense of shame. I lived in constant fear that someone finds out that I’ve never met. I had a feeling that I have to hide a terrible secret. But with age I stopped worrying about what other people think.
Alex: I lost my virginity to a prostitute when I was 47 (I think, losing virginity woman. The man just happens to be the first penetrative sex, but that’s another topic). And I agree with Joseph about the first sex. No awkwardness and feelings of dissatisfaction was not. In fact, it was very even.
Because of what I suffered all my life and continue to suffer is because of debilitating shyness in love, which absolutely destroyed my chances of a happy family life and fatherhood.
No doubt, love shyness is a separate issue, and not the kind of a disturbing personality disorder. I can pretty safely behave in many situations, but when I like someone, be completely helpless and have no idea how to take the next step. As if an unknown force seized my brain and desires and orders not to move and stay alone.
I’m happy for Joseph, overcoming his shyness and enjoying the relationship at least part of their lives. Many don’t succeed.
The Story Of Joseph
I remained a virgin until almost 40 years. I have no idea how many in the world still such people. But I felt like I should mark.