Recognition of sex-addict: “Five times a day wasn’t enough for me”
Is sex addiction a disorder? From the experts opinions on this subject differ, but the two sex-addict talk about their personal, difficult experience.
“In the worst days, even five times a day to have sex wasn’t enough,” admits the mother of three children, 37-year-old Rebecca Barker, talking about his irresistible sexual attraction four years ago completely taken possession of her life and destroyed the relationship with a loved one.
This passion compelled her to constantly demand sex from her then-common law husband.
“It was literally the first thing I thought waking up in the morning, it was absolutely persistently, says Rebecca. — It seemed to me that everything reminds me about it. I think this was due to my depression and lack of serotonin. It’s like my body only craved it.”
“Sex on the moment gave me strength, but five minutes later, I had started to want. I became a recluse. I stayed home because I was ashamed, that’s all I think about. And despite the fact that no one could read my thoughts, I felt awkward in the company,” continues the woman.
Completely changed life
Sex addiction is a serious impact on the relationship between Rebecca and her partner, and despite the fact that initially he was pleased by her increased attention, in the end they broke up.
“At first he was okay with that, but towards the end totally unable to understand me. A few months later, he began to ask questions about why and where it all came from? He blamed me that I have someone novel he thought I must feel guilty and therefore want to have sex,” says Barker.
In November 2014, Rebecca decided to take a break in the relationship with her partner and moved in time to his mother.
“Before leaving, I told him that I need to rest. He let me go, but after that our relationship ended pretty quickly. At that moment I already went to a psychiatrist, and she insisted that can offer me more medicine, but never said that there are support groups or something like that,” says Rebecca.
The diagnosis “depression” was delivered to Rebecca in 2012 after the birth of her third child. After in 2014, she became worse and developed her sexual addiction, she changed jobs, broke up with her boyfriend and moved to live in France.
“I changed my life to overcome his depression and addiction, and it helped me,” she says.
People suffering from sexual addiction, you need to provide free psychological assistance within the National health system.
Called the largest British charity Relate, providing psychological counselling couples.
What is sexual addiction?
Relate the organization defines sex addiction as “sexual activity of any kind, which is getting out of control.”
A number of psychologists-sexologists in the psychological service of the “Association for the treatment of sexual addiction and obsessive-compulsive disorder” (ATSAC) has doubled over the past five years to 170.
According to the questionnaire, which was filled with 2013 21 058 people on the website, assisting a sex addict, 91% of those who need help men.
Of these, the largest group 31% are male aged 26-35, 1% — under the age of 16 years, and 8% were older than 55 years.
It is expected that in may 2019, the world Health Organization (who) endorse the inclusion of “obsessive compulsive disorder sex offender” in a new edition of its Handbook “the international classification of diseases”.
Experts of the National health service in Britain disagree about whether sexual addiction disorder, and does not currently provide psychological support on this issue, redirecting patients to the charity service Relate.
Payback for sex
Graham — who asked to change his name — says that his sexual obsession led to the fact that he started to cheat on his wife with “hundreds” of prostitutes, which in turn caused him to have heart-wrenching guilt.
“When you have such a full-blown addiction, you only think about it from morning to evening. It was horrible, even disgusting — nothing “sexual” was not in it. When you Wake up in the morning with a bouquet of chlamydia, there is nothing pleasant in it. It brought great harm, lives destroyed,” he says.
As said Graham, who is now over sixty, within a few years he left hundreds of pounds a month for sex; he even had relations with several women, rendering him sexual services.
“What started with a single novel at work, led to another, but unlike most novels my office stemmed not from the fact that some of his participants were not happy with the marriage stemmed from my addiction that every day I had to feed,” he explains.
“You first, there is one novel, and then want more and more. I soon realized that the fastest and most convenient way to satisfy my addiction for me is to pay for sex. I met with sexy women and girls from agencies providing escort services for three or four times a week,” continues Graham.
“It’s the same thing as being an alcoholic, in your mind you will have created a cycle: you’re feeling on the rise at the thought of how it will happen and then you all realize. And then, when all is over, you feel sorry, make that never, I repeat,” — says the man.
Graham has finished with this terrible double life, when his wife found his e-mail certain content and demanded an explanation from him.
Then he asked for help in the organization of the psychological help “well,” (SAA), which has 78 support groups across the UK, and for several years he manages to abstain from sex on the side.
“When this all came out, I remember thinking, “Lord, now maybe something will change!” I went to a SAA group, where the treatment is based on abstinence. I call it “from shame to virtue.” It is such a relief to attend meetings of the support group and understand that there are other people who are in the same as you, terrible condition,” admits Graham.
“People in this situation, I want to say that the only way out of this vicious circle could be broken,” he says.
Psychologist Peter Saddington of the organization Relate says there’s psychotherapy and group sessions for sex addicts, but mostly in private.
“[Dependent] is aware that it is harmful, but they can’t stop and realize that they need help to change something. Alcoholics who have [the support group] “alcoholics Anonymous”, but they can also contact [free] the National health service, offering help to people with alcohol or drug addiction,” — said the expert.
“So it would seem logical to [sexaholic] could go to your family doctor and get help, as this has a destructive impact on themselves and on their relationships, their loved ones, their financial situation and mental health,” says the psychologist.
The representative of the Ministry of health and social care noted that people who think that they have a sexual addiction, you can seek help through the NHS Choices website, which contains the necessary contacts, in particular of organisations such as Relate, Sexaholics Anonymous, SAA and ATSAC.